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What’s Wrong With Me?

In this post, I plan to lay out all the things I suspect have plagued me in the past and currently plague me now. I am not here to diagnose myself with 100% accuracy, as that may lead to dangerous assumptions that won’t be good for my health. I also do not encourage or condone self-diagnosis. It is best to leave diagnosis to the pros. However, I do feel the need to lay out my afflictions in life. Why? Because there’s not too many people outside of the Internet that I feel safe talking to regarding these problems. But I still have to put them out there. So, let’s begin.

The following are the broad strokes of perceived afflictions I suffer with now or have suffered in varying degrees in my past:

  • Social Anxiety
  • Depression
  • OCD
  • General Anxiety
  • Suicidal Thoughts
  • Panic Attack
  • Agoraphobia
  • People-pleasing
  • Codependency
  • Selective Mutism
  • Emotional Neglect
  • Complex PTSD

Now, here’s the big reason I tread carefully. So far, I’ve done some research, but I am still not qualified to diagnose myself. This list represents what I think I might have had or have. In other words, I suffer or have suffered perceived symptoms related to all these items. Do I know for sure I have CPTSD or OCD? No. But what I do know is what I feel. I hold onto that the most. And this is my attempt at just writing it down, at shining a light upon my demons in hopes that they cower. I truly believe that knowledge is power.

If you suffer symptoms related to the items I’ve listed above, then in some capacity, I feel your pain. But I am only learning. For instance, Complex PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) is something I recently discovered. And I’ll explore how it’s possible this mental illness may apply to me. This exemplifies the very purpose of this blog, which is to hunt my affliction. I desire to give it a name. I desire to identify it by its fruits. And if I ever go to therapy, I might have the tools to better assist my therapist in assisting me.

But for now, I’m going to dive into these issues. I may not touch on all of them, but I definitely need to get into the ones that seem to affect me the most. Let’s see what I can do. Stay tuned for more.

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